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Golf Australia Express : Issue 25
WE’D BEEN rushed since the last tee, when we got a chance —at last—to play through the three-ball who had been holding us up like bank robbers. At any rate, we’d left the tee in a hurry, as you do, and I now found myself in a flurry. With the Kelly Gang already on the previous green and Jack’s drive firmly ensconced in the middle of the fairway, I was up. GOLF’S A GAME THAT TAKES SUPERSTITION AND ROUTINE TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL, WRITES WILL HONE. THE TROUBLE WITH TEES.... with Will Hone IN HONING And I couldn’t find my tee. Not just a tee, but The Tee—one of those plastic numbers built to last. It’d been with me so long I would have flushed my bag of all the unused second rate bits and pieces that accumulate along the way were it not for some faithless unbeliever within that insisted on keeping some spares. Just in case. They hadn’t been used in over a year. “ Hurry up, mate.” Jack wasn’t helping, and there was something about his grin that I didn’t quite trust. You get to know your mates on the golf course. “Do you need a woody?” So innocent—almost overly so—and I know that he knows how much I love that little piece of pink plastic. In the end I was stuck for time and rather than digging around in my bag for the much snubbed emergencies I took Jack’s brand new, shiny wooden tee and set myself up. It wasn’t the same. After watching me dig my ball from the deep jungle, Jack started to wax lyrical about wooden tees. Despite my recent experience, he listed their many virtues, telling me how they are cheap, colourful and satisfyingly easy to break with a good drive. Not to mention being Old School. No matter how many arguments I brought to bear about sustainability and the throw-away culture, he was unmovable. “People are,” and he was almost evangelical at this point, working up to his grand finale which would abide no debate, “not designed to endure a monogamous relationship with their golfing equipment. It is unnatural, and to be frank, your obsession with that tee was becoming unhealthy, my friend. You would do well to use this opportunity to move on.” After the game he gave me a box of woodies. After dinner he gave back The Tee, on the proviso I break the woodies before using it. We’ll see how they go. OTG